leaving song

And everytime I think of you
I’ll remember all the goodtimes that we’ve had
And everytime I sing this tune
I will laugh, I will cry, I will close my eyes
Cause I know that it won’t be long

And everytime I think of you

by stephen speaks

lost..

when will this end?? i was supposed to be over you already.. thats the reason i stopped blogging.. becoz i had nothing to write about anymore.. you were out of my system.. or so i thought..

  why is it that no matter how long it’s been since i last thought of you, one glance at your picture and i automatically go gaga?? sad i know.. maybe i’ll never get over this stage.. but what sucks is i don’t just miss you.. whenever i see your angelic smile, my heart gets heavy.. i feel sad.. i feel like i lost you all over again..

  i still remember the first time we went out.i still remember that time we were introduced and how the day went.. i remember that the whole day, i was so speechless all i could say was “ayos lang?” i was asking bout the movie of course..

  honestly, the attraction didnt come immediately.. but it was when i got to know you that i really fell inlove with you.. you were too good to be true.. you were as beautiful as an angel, and you had the personality to match.. you were perfect for me..

  the year that followed was wonderfull.. i loved you.. with all my heart.. i can honestly say i never loved another the way i loved you.. you were “the one” for me and everything i did revolved around you..

  however, when the thing happened, and we were separated, we promised we’d wait for each other… i wastrue to my promise.. i even wrote you letters every damn day!! i missed you like hell……. then one day.. i found out about all these things about these guys, and what youd do to yourself.. i just broke down.. i prayed to God every night that He would keep you from feeling pain and sadness.. i begged Him to spare you the pain and leave it all on me.. i guess He really answered my prayers.. i felt pain that i couldn’t bear, physically, and emotionally… 

  and now, after trying to forget all those smiles we’ve shared, after trying to erase every memory we ever had so i could finally smile truthfully once again.. you decide to make me a testimonial.. i got surprised when i saw it.. i saw you smile in a picture again.. i missed you again.. all these thoughts were rushing into my head.. i felt so happy that you cared to make me a testimonial, then when i check to see your photos… wow…  why bother? huh? did you deliberately want me to see those pics of you? i don’t know what you intended to happen.. but that isnt important..at least you’re happy..

  i have no clue if what i just wrote made sense.. i didn’t bother to reread it.. i was supposed to quit blogging, but seeing you made me want to pour out on someone.. i used to tell you everything i felt.. thats why you were special, we weren’t just boyfriend and girlfriend, we were best friends…. you were the shoulder i could cry on… i would run to you whenever i had problems.. or when i just wanted to hear your voice.. you were my everything…

now who do i run to?

unbelievable

Always said I would know where to find love,
Always thought I’d be ready and strong enough,
But some times I just felt I could give up.
But you came and changed my whole world now,
I’m somewhere I’ve never been before.
Now I see, what love means. 

Now I see, what love means

by craig david

clueless

is this it? … am i really over her?? i can’t tell. i still get affected whenever i hear bad things about her. i still feel sad when other guys court her. i still check to see of she’s online whenever i log in. and once in a while i still miss her. but then again, i don’t think of her as much as i used to. i try to keep myself preoccupied with other things. but what makes me hesitant to say that i am finally over her is the fact that i don’t know. while i sit, on my own, thinking about the mysteries of life, will a picture of her angelic face and warm smile still enter my head? if she came back to me, hugged me tight and told me she wanted to be with me. will i find the strength in me to say no? i don’t know for sure. in fact, writing this blog is only making me miss her more. so i guess the answer to my question is… i have no clue. if you happen to pass by this blog. and if any of it makes sense to you, please let me know your thoughts. i’m in desperate need of serious advice. from anyone.

far away

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there’s just one left
‘Cause you know,
you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
‘Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
‘Cause I’m not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go

by nickelback

dying

I’m Dying, Dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again
I’m Dying, Dying to forget about you, that you ever lived
There’s a shade come over this heart that’s coping with laying down to rest
I’m Dying to live without you again

I’m Dying and I can’t live without you
I’m Dying and I can’t live without you again

by foo fighters

art of letting go

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I’ve held them till I’m blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I’d keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I’m learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

by mikaila

home

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

by michael buble

goodbye to our past

i think it’s time. time for me to move on. though i know, it would be extremly difficult for me to do so, i ought to try.

though i long to be with you still, i know we can never be. we are no longer the same people we used to be. you’ve changed dramatically, and even if i haven’t seen you in ages, i can tell that you aren’t the same girl you used to be.

honestly, i thought i was already over you. there were times that i wouldn’t even think of you. but whenever i see you smile, i can’t help but feel dismal knowing that i no longer have any part in making you smile. coz that was what gave me real joy. i loved seeing you smile and making you smile. which i now i no longer have the ability to do. it is inadmissible for me to even attempt to do so.

but know this, i have never regretted being with you, because being with you taught me so many lessons that i won’t ever forget. being with you gave me great joy, and i wouldn’t exchange that for anything in this world. i cherish the memories i have of us. they will be with me forever.

but even though i will do my best to think of you no more, i will always be here for you. i still care for you, and if ever you need a friend, i’ll always be just a stones throw away.

nostalgia

webster describes it as a wistful or excessively sentimental, sometimes abnormal yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition..

after realizing what the word really meant, it hit me. maybe, i am, as webster defines it, in a state of nostalgia..i have an abnormal yearning to return to the way things were when i was with her. when i was happy. i guess no one can really blame me for wanting to be happy. it is natural for every human being to long to be in a state of happiness and contentment. but the problem lies in the fact that i found my happiness in something that went against God’s will. don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying that being with her is against God’s will. it’s just that being with her caused me to sin….alot.

i knew that one way or another, God would allow something to happen in our lives that would stop us from continuing our sinful relationship. but despite all the warnings and “close calls,” we continued on our rebellious, defiant ways…and in time.. just as i thought… we got caught..

to make a long story short, we were separated against our will. after being with her for a little more than a year, it was hard for me to adjust into a life apart from her. several things changed. i missed her tremendously. i missed waking up to the sound of her voice, i missed writing her letters everyday that we were apart, i missed the happiness i felt knowing that i belonged to herand she belonged to me. i missed her voice, her smile, oh that wonderful smile. angelic. the only smile that could literally turn my frown upside down. i missed her hugs and kisses. i missed being in her presence. i missed how shed walk up behind me, slip her arms around my waist and give me a tight, warm hug. i just missed everything about her.

in a desperate effort to comfort myself, i spent most of my time trying to make myself busy, in order to forget what we had.. but my mind wlways went back to the thought of her. a picture of her was tattooed on my mind. and thinking of this always led me back to tears. sadness and bitterness consumed my life. my heart was shatteres and i no longer had the will to go on.. and what made everything extraordinarily hard was that everything i saw reminded me of her. i couldn’t escape it. my mind was going against me. i was mentally paralyzed. the only part of my brain that functioned was the part that thought of her..

so i guess that confirms it. painful as it may be, i am nostalgic. i do long to return to the way things were. but i guess, that can never be. i’m gonna have to get used to the fact that she is off limits.. and if being with her is what makes me happy, then i guess happiness is off limits as well.

they say time heals all wounds…. maybe it does..but the scars are still left behind.

God is still writing our love story

i got that line from my cousin. thanks patty. this blog is basically my reply to your comment…

though God hasn’t revealed who we are going to be with for the rest of our lives, i think we ought to wait on Him. after all, He is perfect therefore His timing is perfect. and while we wait on Him, all the trials, problems and experiences we face, wether good or bad, are orchestrated by Him in order to prepare us for the future. those are there in order to strengthen us, physically, mentally and spiritually. some of the trials are gonna be really really tough. like the ones were going through right now. but with Gods help, we’ll get past em. i always try to remember the verse that says ”all things work for the good of those who love Him.” He knows whats going on in our lives. that alone makes me feel better. knowing that the God who created the entire universe, who thought about every aspect of life, from the largest mountain to the tiniest particle that floats around the earth, the God who knows how many strands of hair each one of us has, that same God cares about me. and He cares about you too. at least i think He does. haha just kiddin.

am i making any sense? i dont know anymore. i’m just putting all my thoughts in there. but i do know that you’re going through some rough times nowadays bob, but trust in God. it’ll end up well for you. promise.

still

why does life have to be this way? just when you think everythings getting better, something comes up and kicks you right in the ass.. i know, i know. here i go again.. babbling about the girl that i once had. but it can’t be helped. i still care alot about her, and my heart shatters into a million tiny pieces evertime i hear that she did something stupid. if only i could tell her to stop. if only i can let her know that what shes doing is wrong. if only i was there for her when she needed me. if only.

i don’t know if what i’m typing makes any sense right now. i feel like my heart just got run over by an eighteen wheeler. my mind is dead to the world. i wish i could go back to the way things were when life was easy. i wish i had her by my side. i loved her with all of my heart. and i still do. though i try to hide it, i still care for her. i still remember her in my prayers, i still smile when i hear shes doing good. i still laugh when she tells a corny joke, i still remember the songs she would sing while she wasn’t doing anything. i still grieve over the fact that i can never be with her. i still feel sad when i see her smiling in pictures, because i know that i no longer have any part in making her smile.. i wish we could be together again. no hassles, no pain, no sin, just me and her.

so many wishes that i know will never come true. so many dreams that will remain real only in my sleep. i don’t know why God is putting me through this misery. i need a new life, or at least, i need get out of this one.

i know promised i wouldn’t cry over you anymore.. but please, allow me this one last tear.

                        still                               (by brian mcknight)

Funny when you stop and think
times goes faster then you blink
nothings ever like it was
but girl we’ve got a special thing
all the happiness it brings
is more than enough

I still think about you
I still dream about you
I still want you
and need you by my side
I’m still mad about you
all I ever wanted was you
your still the one

just one

At this moment, there are six billion, four hundred seventy million, eight hundred eighteen thousand, six hundred seventy people in the world.

some are running scared…

some.. are coming home.

some tell lies to make it throught the day…

others are just facing the truth.

some are evil men, at war with good.

and some are good, struggling with evil.

six billion people in the world……….

……..six billion souls.

and sometimes…..

…all you need is ONE.

JUST ONE.

-thanks ck  

if i was the one

I see the way he treats you
I feel the tears you cry
And it makes me sad and it makes me mad
There’s nothin’ I can do, baby
Cuz your lover is my best friend
And I guess that’s where the story ends
So I’ve gotta try to keep it inside
You’ll never be, never be mine

But if I was the one who was loving you, baby
The only tears you’d cry would be tears of joy
And if I was by your side
You’d never know one lonely night -luther vandross

happiness.. i think

when you first go online, whose name do you look for? when you go to church or to the mall with a bunch of friends, who do you long to see? when you look at a crowd of people, whose face do you desire ? while you’re sitting down, admiring the beauty of life, whose picture comes to mind?

i can only think of one name to answer all those questions.. sadly, the name that comes to mind, already has another name that goes along with it. that’s right. i have commited the mortal sin of liking a girl whose heart already belongs to someone else. sucks i know. if it were another girl, it would be easy for me to let go, because usually my emotions are triggered by the beauty of the girl. shallow, i know. but this one is different. i’m not saying shes ugly! she is far from ugly. but her beauty is not what got me attracted to her. i knew her for quite some time now, but for some reason, we never really got close. that all changed this summer. something happened (i won’t say what for fear of revealing who she is) but we got a little close. and it was only when we started getting to know each other, and talking more, that i became interested in her. i enjoyed our talks and sharing of our past experiences, but the interest turned into infatuation. that’s when i started to slap myself (metaphorically) thinking that i shouldn’t be feeling what im feeling. i am still clueless as to why my mind loves to play tricks on me. even though i know my own mind pretty well, it being my mind and all, it always seems to catch me off guard.

but despite my current situation, i don’t feel as bad as i normally would. i don’t plan on letting the girl know how i feel coz i’m scared of jeopardizing my friendship with her. but i can learn to be happy with my situation. after all, she’s happy, and i think everyone else is too. my turn to be happy..

untitled

–thinking out loud– 

how do you know that he or she is really the one for you?

is it because whenever you day dream of happily-ever-after, he/she is always in that dream? or whenever you think of your fairytale wedding, that person is always the one standing next to you? could it be because his/her face seems to fill your thoughts? or maybe its because you think that you simply can’t live without him/her?

in my opinion, the answer to these questions is a simple yet resounding.. NO! everyone wants their “special someone” to be the person they walk down the aisle with. but most of the time, it is infatuation that causes you to put him/her next to you in all those thoughts. infatuation causes us to think that the person we are with now, is the person who we will be with for the rest of our lives. but given our ages, (mine being 16) how can you say that your boyfriend or girlfriend is really gonna stick with you til you are old enough to get married? thats around 10 years from now! i’m sure there are some exceptions because sometimes, relationships do last that long. but in most cases, relationships really don’t last as long as you want them to. and often, time changes people. the person you are with now might be a totally different person 10 years from now.

bear in mind, i’m not against relationships or love or anything like that. all i’m saying is that we must be very cautious of the choices we make. these decisions are either gonna make us better people, or end up getting us into trouble. don’t rush into a relationship. take your time and choose wisely. also, i think that we should put our trust in God. if the person you are with right now is God’s best for you, then nothing in the world will stop you from being together.

-this is a lesson i had to learn the hard way. i wrote this in order to spare you from the pain i had to endure..

invisible man

You can hardly wait to tell all your friends
How his kisses taste sweet like wine.
And how he always makes your heart skip a beat
Everytime he walks by.
And if you’re feeling down,
He’ll pick you up,
He’ll hold you close when your makin’ love,
He’s everything you’ve been dreaming of,
Oh Baby.

You probably spend hours on the phone
Talkin’ ’bout nothing at all.
It doesn’t matter what the conversation,
Just as long as he called.
Lost in a love so real and so sincere,
You wipe away each other’s tears,
Your face lights up whenever he appears.

I wish you’d look at me that way,
Your beautiful eyes lookin’ deep into mine.
Telling me more than any words could say,
But you don’t even know I’m alive.
Baby to you all I am
Is the Invisible Man

I wish you’d look at me that way,
Your beautiful eyes lookin’ deep into mine.
Telling me more than any words could say,
But you don’t even know I’m alive.
Baby to you all I am
Is the Invisible Man

-98 degrees  

contentment

oh how i hate having to be content. how can i be content with how i am now when i long to be so much more…

… for you.

i know i’m just hurting myself by thinking about you more and more.. but i can’t help it. i am clueless as to why my mind chooses to suffer with interminable thoughts of you.

i often wonder why God keeps me here on earth. i spend half the time sinning hurting Him, and the other half in pain. if God would answer my one prayer, i’d pray that He takes me home soon. for i no longer desire to have any part in this decaying lump of dirt.

but i guess, maybe God has a different plan for me. after all, His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways. maybe He put me here for a reason. what that reason is, i have no clue. but i guess, all i have to do is try my best to make myself available for His calling.

sad story

what is one supposed to do when one commits the fatal error of falling for one of his closest friends? i have experienced such a dilemma. i have become infatuated with my good friend.

usually this would be an easy deal for me. i let girl know how i feel, girl lets me know she feels, and most of the time, it works out between us. but this is a more complicated matter. the problem doesn’t lie in the fact that i have invested my emotions in this friend of mine, the problem lies in the fact that this friend of mine already has another. and to add a little twist to the story, this guy that seems to tickle her fancy, is also one of my good friends.

that being said, i have a decision to make. i either

1. i let her know how i feel and risk losing her friendship, and the guys friendship as well.

-or-

2. i stay quiet, maintain my friendship with both guy and girl, but lose a chance to find genuine happiness.

 this is one situation where there is no winning for me. no matter what course of action a take, no matter what decision i choose to make, i end up getting hurt. story of my life.

despite every road pointing to the direction of heartache, i have decided to stay quiet and look at the situation in a more optimistic point of view. true that most people will think that i’d be stupid to let such a wonderful and captivating person just slip away from me, (if you knew her, you’d hate me even more) but i wouldn’t want to risk the relationship i already have with her for something that i know will never be. because even if she wasn’t with this guy, i must face the truth. and truth is, she is, in la mens terms, out of my league.

but despite the fact that i know we can never be anything more than friends, i will learn to be content, because i’d rather be a tiny, minute part of her life, as a friend, than not be a part of her life at all. i will not be bitter, instead, i will wish her the best of luck in everything she does. and i will pray that God blesses her tremendously, because she really deserves to be happy. and that is where i will find my happiness… in her joy.

nostalgia

webster describes it as a wistful or excessively sentimental, sometimes abnormal yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition..

  after realizing what the word really meant, it hit me. maybe, i am, as webster defines it, in a state of nostalgia.. i have an abnormal yearning to return to the way things were when i was with her. when i was happy. i guess no one can really blame me for wanting to be happy. it is natural for every human being to long to be in a state of happiness and contentment. but the problem lies in the fact that i found my happiness in something that went against God’s will. don’t get me wrong, i’m not saying that being with her is against God’s will. it’s just that being with her caused me to sin…alot.

  i knew that one way or another, God would allow something to happen in our lives that would stop us from continuing our sinful relationship. but despite all the warnings and “close calls”, we continued on our rebellious, defiant ways.. and in time.. just as i thought… we got caught..

  to make a long story short, we were separated against our will. after being with her for a little more than a year, it was hard for me to adjust into a life apart from her. several things had changed. i missed her tremendously. i missed waking up to the sound of her voice, i missed writing her letters every day we were apart, i missed the happiness i felt knowing that i belonged to her and she belonged to me. i missed her voice, her smile, oh that wonderful smile. the only smile that literally turned my frown upside down. i missed her hugs and kisses. i missed being in her presence. i just  missed everything about her.

  in a desperate effort to comfort myself, i spent most of my time staring at the sky, trying to convince myself that she was looking at the exact same sky.. but my mind always went back to the thought of her. a picture of her was tattooed on my mind. and thinking of this always led me back to tears. sadness and bitterness consumed my life. my heart was shattered and i no longer had the will to go on.. what made it extraordinarily hard was that everything i saw reminded me of her. i couldn’t escape it. my mind was going against me.i was mentally paralyzed. the only part of my brain that was working was the part that thought of her.

  so i guess that confirms it. painful as it may be, i am nostlagic. i do long to return to the way things were. but i guess, that can never be. i’m gonna have to get used to the fact that she is off limits.. and if being with her is my happiness, then happiness is off limits as well.

  they say time heals all wounds…. maybe it does.. but the scars are still left behind..